Losing

Have you ever lose a friend in your life? Have you ever lose someone that you love,close with or meant something to you? Have you ever wake up by a phone call telling you a very shocking and unexpected news? Have you ever woke up in the morning,the first thing you heard was a shitty little pieces? Like how all the 'what' questioning you all,I've been through it. All of it. I was sleeping and was waken up by a phone call from my mum and recieving something really shitty and unpredictable the first thing in the morning.Like right after I open my eyes to start a new day.But it turns out to be not a normal day.I didn't start up my day like the usual morning I used too.  I was literally shocked and speechless when my mum told me my friend has passed away. I was more frighten to even guess who that person is. I don't know how to say this. I am still shock sp I'll post my conversation that I had with my mum in my next post.

For now,I really do not know how and what to start yet. Maybe to part how I met him? Maybe this is too public to share but..So here it goes.

It was on Christmas Day when I first met him at my aunt's last year. Just to be precise,his mum and my aunt were in-laws. I think it was his first time being there or maybe I didn't noticed him the year before. What do you expect from a naive girl huh? As much I could remember,my family came quite late to the Christmas lunch. Half an hour late maybe? So as predicted,quite a number of people were there already. So we directly went to eating section where the food were placed and all.I remembered very much when i entered the place,I was eyeing someone. A very handsome and unfamiliar dude. He was standing next to him mum with a can of beer he was holding.  But I  didn't care less. I mean, why would some handsome noticed a naive girl? So I went on to take my food and settle down on a table with my mum,sister and brother. Little did I know, I saw your mum came and approached our table. Introducing each other and all. As it turns out,my mum and his mum were classmates or was it schoolmates. I was pretty happy tho. After done eating I went inside the house to meet my cousins and aunts. After a while,we went outside to witness the game they organized for the kids. I saw him sitting at the garden with his uncle, my uncles and cousin was having their 'Moginum" time. We made eye contact. yes I remembered that. Then I happen to sit at the place where the people were moginum cause I just had my operation that time so I needs to sit. I dont know how and when,we started talking. His was rather tipsy so he kind of talk a lot and maybe,was crapping some shit out? I remembered how he laugh to his own jokes. Damn his was funny! After a while,without knowing it,he asked for my number. I was shocked and speechless and asked him for what. He confidently said "you know, to keep contact and update all the time.'' I hesitated for a while but ended up giving him my number. Then we continue talking and my cousins giving hint about our fling and all until her was drunk,like literally drunk,so his mum brought him home cause he started talking crap and drunk talk. We said goodbye as well cause I was going home to get ready for my aunts open house. I remember clearly when he said "oh come one mum. Let's go home later please mum. I need to talk to her for a bit" But his mum insisted o go home so they went. The next hours,nothing actually happened tho as I was at my aunts with cousins so I got distracted. But somehow,I actually did wish for him to text him. Very funny. Around 11,I received a text from an unknown number. I was too distracted to even guess who that is. So couple of minutes asking,he finally gave in and admit. We texted  until 12 plus  cause I slept off. Then the next day,I texted him to apologized. All of a sudden,he started calling me Panda and donkey :p So cute! Days after days, we have been texting the whole day and talk at night for hours. We finally plan to hang out so on New year eve, my cousins,him and I went out to Suria to watch movie and all. The next day,he was scheduled to fly back to KL. The stories goes on until during the middle of May when things didn't turned out to be what was plan. So we called it off but still contact each other whenever I have the time to squeezed in since I was busy with with Pmr. You even wished me on PMR eve. That was so thoughtful enough already. I didn't saw it coming. Everything went smoothly until this morning at 2am. You had a car accident and leave us all behind to be with God. It never occur to me that things will ended up this way. Never in my thought I have wish this to happen. What sadden me was he was suppose to come down to Sabah this Christmas?Christmas is like 5 days away! We haven't been friends for a year yet,well almost,but you left. How was I suppose to cop with it?It took me a while to digest,tho I haven't. Reading all the wall post on your wall from your friends literally did tear me apart. Life is cruel and unfair.I really have no idea how will your parents and brothers will take this. I know they are sad and lost their clown of the house last night. I don't know how your girlfriend will take this everyday without you by her side. Your best friend,all the way from Canada to come and pay his last respect for his best friend ever. To all your friends,relatives and teacher and to those who knows you. Its pretty tough to move on. Nevertheless, I know you are happy and save above in heaven. You may not have to suffers a lot from the impact of the accident,which is a good thing. But the fact that he won't be here physically anymore,really tear me apart.But no matter what, you will be always be remembered. Though you cannot achieve your ambition to be a doctor surgeon,I'm pretty sure your parents will be proud of you for what you have achieve so far.Rest In Peace,buddy:( I miss you so much.

Look how handsome my friend was.He's half Kadazan and Indian.

So there is never a next time for us to meet.To talk on the phone for hours. To laugh. To be tipsy together. To go outings with my cousins like we did last year. To be unable to celebrate Christmas together. To look at your beautiful fair face of yours. Ever again. We have not being able to take a picture of us yet but you are gone forever with God in heaven. I believe you must be very happy in heaven now,don't you?

This was the only picture we took  with you and me in it. 

Now I know how does it feel when someone we have a relationship or something, is gone forever. I did shed my second tears when I read his best friend post while hearing the song ' moment ' from winter sonata. You are my friend, a brother from another mother,an ex, close friend of mine and I really need to believe that you are good in heaven with the care from good. Although I know it would be hard to face life later,I still have to move on tho.