Screwed

Probably some may know or may not know that I loathed being a failure. I know you guys would say " You will never success without failing once or so " I can agree with that though but the fact that I screwed ALL my science papers just seem to make me down. I did my best,I studied and I burned the midnight oil every night throughout the exam and look what I got? Guess I gotta study harder next year. The thought of it makes me feel pressurized right now. I don't know if I can reach my goal or not but I gotta do my very best I can't even describe,to ace it. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking while thinking about what I would want to achieved for SPM but I oath to myself to reach it no matter what. I don't care what people or the society would say about me anymore because I don't live to please them. All I want is my dream to be achieved,making myself and my parents proud and also my creator,God to be proud of me. There's no point beings successful and rich without God in our life because all we have belongs to God. So I guess,I'm being to religious here or so?

I just don't seem to find the purpose of going to school anymore. I mean we have no textbooks anymore and  the teachers aren't in class all the time. Not doing anything some more. Why don't they just give us holidays till next year and spare some peaceful environment for the form 5's to study? Or they would prefer a noisy school,students walking around the school and students bringing goods ban to school? It's a total waste of time,energy and fuel! Guess what I did the whole time in school? It's either reading,talking or laughing. That's all. 

Time flew so fast and little did I know,Holy Spirit camp is this coming Thursday.Looking forward to it though! Installation night some more on Saturday.I don't know what to feel about it. Excited? I guess not. Happy? Anxious? This is like my first and last going to install so I don't really care actually. So many plans towards end of the year I don't know whether I can attend or not. Well...

p/s: I don't know what to feel at the moment. Every time i think about it,it felt as though I just got stabbed by something sharp. Not having the urge to cry worsen the situation.