Bittersweet of life

Everything is just so fucking annoying. Fucking stress with everyhting. Studies,family matters,hectic-boring-dull-lifeless-pressuring-crisis-annoying-life etcetc.. Let alone my uncle who is suffering from some cancer that has a slim chance to recover since the cancer have infected his lungs. After all Im not gonna complain a lot cause everything that Im facing now is nothing compare to what my uncle is going through. I prayed every morning and night that he will always be strong to go through this massive test,that God will give him wisdom,cure him and let miracles happen. It has been probably a month since I last visited him because I know that I am not strong to see my uncle's condition. I would breakdown and be weak. Even listening to my aunts story telling us about my uncle's condition in hospital made my cry heart out. What more to visit him? Im not gonna cry in front of him because I want him to be strong. My aunties and uncles did a great job,they were strong whenever they were with him or taking care of him but deep down inside,it totured and breaks them down. I am always outside the hospital room but never visits him inside because Im too weak to see his condition.
Anyway, I ditched a lot of stuff already that I loved the most. Giving up things isn't great. Some fucking stuff went wrong some more. What is wrong with me? Why is everyhting so fucking annoying? So fucking shit being treated and got ditched like some retarted-unwanted-digusted-bloody trash. I fucking loathed people who hates a people who are hypocrites whereby they are a hyprocrites themselves. Everyone is a hypocrite. Why deny it? I just dont get it. Although it hurts a lot, I WOULD'NT LET IT BOTHER ME. I  dont give a damn and just go with the flow. See which party will give up first. I dont mind though . I'll just keep it to myself but oneday,I'll definitely explode and burst everything out. Just so you know,I got annoyed and tired already with all the dramas that is going on,but I wont let it fall on me. Seriously,its annoying you know.
Life is pretty unfair sometimes. Life is short. I miss Shine Shawne. I miss talking to him.I miss his handsome look,his witty hilarious jokes.He's the one who would always comfort people. He motivates people.He chilled people down. He always care about people. He's the one you could rely on. The person you could cry your heart out. Who would lend his shoulder to you. Who would be the first and the last person to wish you on your birthday. The one would sing for you on the phone. Who would never fails to make you laugh.The one who would listen to your problem and help you to solve it whenever you would seek for him. He's the person who WOULD talk to you;leave whatever he is doing,whenever he is busy just to listen to you whenever you need him. He's a so called perfect person I've ever met. He always cares about people,but he forgot about himself. Why didnt he stop the car and took a nap for a bit? Why did he continued driving even when he's totally exhausted? The word why kept on playing on my mind. Why?Why? Im not blaming anyone about what had happen. He promised to meet on Christmas Day. He say we would go outings with Blanchie,Brittany,Tan Tan,Elle Joy and Bradley like we did last year(2010) new year eve. I didnt get to say a proper goodbye,I didnt get to say I forgave him for what he had done. I didnt get to laugh at his stupid hilarious jokes. I didnt get to hug him for the last time. Everything was left undone. He said he would buy me some pressie from KL. But why did everyhting went wrong? Why did shits happen? Why didnt he called me the night before shits happen? Why arent you here when I need you most? When I need to talk to you? Do you know how does it feels like losing such perfect good friend of yours? Do you know how devastating it is? Do you know how miserable you would get? I just..miss him anyways.

p/s: Im sorry about whatever I have mentioned earlier.Pardon me with all the harsh word I've used. I know its too public but I had to let it out because its my blog,its where i'll pour out every bittersweet Im going through.Otherwise I'll go pyschotic. Anyways,i know it was an emotional-hatred-sarcastic-devastating post so dont bother to mind or be offended aite :)