Uncertain mood

Now that I am very aware of the upcoming final exam that is starting on next week,my mood seem to change. I noticed this before. Whenever I am in my exam mood,I tend to be in a very uncertain mood. For example,I get irritated,annoyed and kind of dislike a person but at the same time I don't feel what I felt. You know that feeling? Plus, I get super annoyed and pissed off pretty easily in every circumstances.Even a small thing and I already felt like killing or stepping someone. I'll tend to be very lazy as well to do anything .To even move. Girl,seriously?

As for now, I really do not know what to feel. Sometimes I just wish I could go on a very top hill/mountain,alone, and scream my heart out. I don't even know why I'd even want to do this but how was I suppose to know when my mood changes every minute if possible. I just wish I could just simply express what I am feeling at the moment without thinking who is/are going to read it and without thinking about the consequences.

What I can say for now is I am mentally tired and also stressed up. Seriously. I am stress about my exam I cant even explain how. Sometimes,only exercising and laughing could help me take things out of my mind. But certainly I can't be doing it 24/7 right? oh lord why. I think I should pray more for often to help me to deal with my studies.

What I really need now is alcohol. But the least of it,Coffee Bean's Mocha will do. Will try to get it this Saturday if I am going out.

So much to say yet so little words

I think and thought a lot. I have a lot in mind to talk about but when I am about to start,I went speechless. Like even right now, I really do not know how to start,what to say. I'm like always short of word  or sentences. So maybe I'll speak randomly like about whatever that is on my mind?

I loathed the fact that I have more dresses than tops. I mean,I love dresses and I really wish to purchase more but with my issue of less tops made me loathed it. Sometimes I don't think it was a money issue. I could buy it but the choices are not that much and mostly almost everyone has what I see in the malls due to same fashion sense/taste? I really need a shopping spree like as soon as possible but preferably in KL or somewhere out of KK. The fact that I'll be going to Miri and Brunei during my year end holiday aren't helping. I know there are not many choices there as well. I am really hoping my aunt would bring me to KL as she promised 2 weeks ago! Maybe a little shopping here would do but preferably after my finals because I am not really into my shopping mode yet. More like in exam mode already. 

Sometimes I am insecure and frantic about the fact of what people would make impression about me and my personality. I mean I don't want people to look at me as a full-timer innocent,smart and nerdy person. But at the same time,I do not want people to make the wrong impression about me as well. I really don't know how to explain. Only my close friends(5 of them,not to offend my other few close friends but the 5 of them are the  closest) and two of my close cousins knows what I am actually talking about. Let me put it this way. When I am studying and being serious,I am serious and I am in my nerdy mode and I will study hard to ace what I want. When I want to have fun,I'd really have fun. For example,when I am at a party/functions,I do drink and get tipsy/drunk. I'll dance and I do whatever wild teenager does. I meant not 'that' wild. To make things clear,I would get high,loud,flirt etcc. I mean don't get me wrong. When I am being polite,I meant it literally.  But when someone pissed me off or so,my mouth would never stop cursing and saying bad things. Like what my family/families said "Be careful with your word. It is too spicy. You could hurt and cursed people. " What they said was true but I'm really not into my mood to elaborate about it. Once I started laughing and cracking jokes,I cant never stop. Ask my close friends. They had experienced it almost everyday. So I am hoping to whoever who is reading this will get and know me better. I never had the intention to write out about my personality here and to show it off to the public but as a matter of fact,I am telling whatever that is true and rather not being labelled as hypocrite. I really don't want people to say "ohh she looks so innocent and good in front of blah blah,but behind she is blah blah blah"

So pretty much I had express and speak out everything I have on mind. It felt as if I have lift a burden from my shoulder by writing this out. Oh dear,I really do sound so dramatic!

As the age increases

So last night was Brittany's 18th birthday party celebration at her house. Before that, I would like to wish her HAPPY BIRTHDAY and may God bless here always with good health,be a good followers of God,be smart always,with prosperity in life and give her blessings in everything she do as she grew up. I have a lot to say but I cant really think for now. So anyway,I was late for the party for I went to attend my tuition first and then I went home again to change my shirt and pants. So definitely I missed half of the fun already. I'm too lazy to elaborate it so long story short,I had my dinner and mingle with my cousins and kareoke session. If I'm not mistaken,it was around12am, Blanchie,Brittany,Elle and I sat at one table and we talk about stuff. It was a good talk. Blanch and I drank 2 cans of beer while Brittany and Elle didn't. Brittany is more to wine so that explains.Then the boys joined us after that. As the rest was talking,I went to mingle with them Randall, Jim(I find it too old to called him uncle=.='),aunty Rosie and Aunty Sabrina. To be frank,it was really fun to talk with them especially when they were tipsy and drunk. Aunty Rosie made me drink another can of beer. Jim was fun too. Actually,i cant really tell what actually had happen last night.It's too personal. Then Blanchie took another can of beer and we drank again. But what I can tell is I was soooo tipsy last night I can even feel the world is spinning. The feeling of puking and feeling sleepy was sparking but Blanchie and Jim made me awake by talking to me,especially Jim cause he kept on touching my fats! But I also think I made a fool of myself last night. Too personal to  tell as well. Apparently,I seem to lose interest to talk about last night. So maybe I'll just put some pictures to keep you entertain a little.

I love how my jaw looks here.

We are ugly yet pretty

Baby Christian with mum

Baby Belle<3

Doing some gymnastic.

Birthday girl and I.

I look so hyper !

My bro.

Brittany,Elle and Jim

Sorry for the cleavage showing!

Smile:)

Candid picture. Didnt know Brit took this.

Oh gawd. Look at my ugly tipsy face. eww

Frankly speaking,I couldnt recall doing this pose but somehow,this picture looks nice.

I asked him to smile but he did this.

Jim and I.

I love this! But you still could see how red I am here right?

Was rather tipsy. My face was really red but its doesnt look like here because of the light effect.

sleepy eyes.