So much to say yet so little words

I think and thought a lot. I have a lot in mind to talk about but when I am about to start,I went speechless. Like even right now, I really do not know how to start,what to say. I'm like always short of word  or sentences. So maybe I'll speak randomly like about whatever that is on my mind?

I loathed the fact that I have more dresses than tops. I mean,I love dresses and I really wish to purchase more but with my issue of less tops made me loathed it. Sometimes I don't think it was a money issue. I could buy it but the choices are not that much and mostly almost everyone has what I see in the malls due to same fashion sense/taste? I really need a shopping spree like as soon as possible but preferably in KL or somewhere out of KK. The fact that I'll be going to Miri and Brunei during my year end holiday aren't helping. I know there are not many choices there as well. I am really hoping my aunt would bring me to KL as she promised 2 weeks ago! Maybe a little shopping here would do but preferably after my finals because I am not really into my shopping mode yet. More like in exam mode already. 

Sometimes I am insecure and frantic about the fact of what people would make impression about me and my personality. I mean I don't want people to look at me as a full-timer innocent,smart and nerdy person. But at the same time,I do not want people to make the wrong impression about me as well. I really don't know how to explain. Only my close friends(5 of them,not to offend my other few close friends but the 5 of them are the  closest) and two of my close cousins knows what I am actually talking about. Let me put it this way. When I am studying and being serious,I am serious and I am in my nerdy mode and I will study hard to ace what I want. When I want to have fun,I'd really have fun. For example,when I am at a party/functions,I do drink and get tipsy/drunk. I'll dance and I do whatever wild teenager does. I meant not 'that' wild. To make things clear,I would get high,loud,flirt etcc. I mean don't get me wrong. When I am being polite,I meant it literally.  But when someone pissed me off or so,my mouth would never stop cursing and saying bad things. Like what my family/families said "Be careful with your word. It is too spicy. You could hurt and cursed people. " What they said was true but I'm really not into my mood to elaborate about it. Once I started laughing and cracking jokes,I cant never stop. Ask my close friends. They had experienced it almost everyday. So I am hoping to whoever who is reading this will get and know me better. I never had the intention to write out about my personality here and to show it off to the public but as a matter of fact,I am telling whatever that is true and rather not being labelled as hypocrite. I really don't want people to say "ohh she looks so innocent and good in front of blah blah,but behind she is blah blah blah"

So pretty much I had express and speak out everything I have on mind. It felt as if I have lift a burden from my shoulder by writing this out. Oh dear,I really do sound so dramatic!