Invisible?

Hello hello! Pardon me for being neglecting my blog for like forever already. Man,I literally miss blogging  cause I was too busy with all the stuff that is happening last week so that explains why I was MIA for a bit.
So basically,Im just gonna tell about my boring life. Studies? Been pretty busy with studies now. Midterm exam is in early May so technically its just around the corner.I have like less than a month and half to study.I'm very scared and anxious cause I dont want to fail any subjects and perhaps,to get top 5 in class.This is so stressful. Some more with my cousins who obtained good result! I can feel the pressure and jealousy already. Im envied. Literally. My cousin,Brittany,obtained 9A's 1B. Im not quite sure what are her exact results but still,9A's man! Its like SPM subjects are super tough! I wanna compete with her. How I wish I could get straight A's once more! I know I can do it if I'm back to my dull-geek-boring life like last year and stop procrastinate and slacking. Somehow,I kind of enjoy Addmaths and Physic( are one of my least favourite subject)although both are quite a tough subject which leads me to stress-ness all the time. Like just now,teacher gave us a list of homework to do for physic and I actually done all of it in less than an hour! Im so proud cause I manage to do it in such duration. So basically,I know how to find acceleration and understand more about chapter 2 already. *happy* Do you know I'll have tons of pimple when I studies a lot and harder? Yes,my pimples is being a bitch to me. It is getting worse than ever day by day. I drank litres of water everyday,taking  my vitamin supplement daily;day and night,applying cleanser,toner and moisturiser every day and night. Oh dear,Im probably just stressed up with studies and all.Even my schedule are quite packed now with my studies,dancing,piano exam and class,staying back for the IU day stuff, attending events for the interactors and a lot more! To tell the truth,it has been a while since I last went out to the mall and all. This is so pathetic and a very dull life I have here. But whatever,im quite used to it already la since my friends are calling me a nerd and having a boring life. hahaha.
So last week,during the school holidays, I was suppose to spend 4days in KL with my aunt and cousin. Long story short, we had to buy 3 emergency tickets the next day just so to get back to KK as we received a news from my aunt that my uncle has passed. It was literally a shocking and unexpected news. I was so speechless when my aunt woke my cousin and I at 7.21am to inform us the news. He died at 7am. It was utterly an unexpected news. On the day we flew to KL,my late uncle's fam,siblings,in laws and nephews and nieces    went to visit him in the hospital. He wanted to meet everyone of us. Although he cant speak,but he gave us the sign that he wants to meet us all. So we went. I cried a lot. Because I hesitated to fly to KL after seeing his condition. Then my aunt(who is going to KL with me) told my uncle to wait for us to come back from KL. He didnt want us to leave. I cried more.But in the end,he approved of us going.I knew he's going to pass anytime as the doctor told us but we didnt expect it was that fast. So as we reached KK from kl,and it was already 8plus pm,we directly went to my late uncle's house. A lot of people were there already. But we didnt care. As the car stop,we ran into the house,saw the coffin and everyone looking at us,some saying 'they just got back from KL'.Heard my aunt crying some more so I started crying like rshit already. It was embarrassing as everyone was looking at us. But we didnt care.We cried even more and Louder. Then my mum comfort and chilled us down. So everything went okay an hour after that. The story is longer actually,but Im a sloth so I just summarized it then.
So I guess it is up till here then. I'll be leaving soon to my nearby kampung.

Short update

Guess what? I know I have been neglecting my blog nowadays due to my WiFi that went wrong. But its a good thing anyway cause I tend to have more time to study.

Yesterday was our school cross-country. It was so tiring like literally. Jet managed to be the Runner-up for bahagian A so its a good thing anyway. Seriously, I want Jet to win overall this year! Didn't do much for Jet cause i need to bertugas for the Interact Club.Im pretty happy though I was selected;the whole geng;but its not official yet. The most disappointing part is I tanned myself and my whole body hurts like bloody shit! Come on la,Im going to KL tomorrow but yet,my body hurts like hell. How to shop? Could hardly move a lot for these past day.

Look,when I want to update my blog,I tend to forget what to post already. Why so blank now?

Shine Shawne-sy (I saw this on youtube)

Bittersweet of life

Everything is just so fucking annoying. Fucking stress with everyhting. Studies,family matters,hectic-boring-dull-lifeless-pressuring-crisis-annoying-life etcetc.. Let alone my uncle who is suffering from some cancer that has a slim chance to recover since the cancer have infected his lungs. After all Im not gonna complain a lot cause everything that Im facing now is nothing compare to what my uncle is going through. I prayed every morning and night that he will always be strong to go through this massive test,that God will give him wisdom,cure him and let miracles happen. It has been probably a month since I last visited him because I know that I am not strong to see my uncle's condition. I would breakdown and be weak. Even listening to my aunts story telling us about my uncle's condition in hospital made my cry heart out. What more to visit him? Im not gonna cry in front of him because I want him to be strong. My aunties and uncles did a great job,they were strong whenever they were with him or taking care of him but deep down inside,it totured and breaks them down. I am always outside the hospital room but never visits him inside because Im too weak to see his condition.
Anyway, I ditched a lot of stuff already that I loved the most. Giving up things isn't great. Some fucking stuff went wrong some more. What is wrong with me? Why is everyhting so fucking annoying? So fucking shit being treated and got ditched like some retarted-unwanted-digusted-bloody trash. I fucking loathed people who hates a people who are hypocrites whereby they are a hyprocrites themselves. Everyone is a hypocrite. Why deny it? I just dont get it. Although it hurts a lot, I WOULD'NT LET IT BOTHER ME. I  dont give a damn and just go with the flow. See which party will give up first. I dont mind though . I'll just keep it to myself but oneday,I'll definitely explode and burst everything out. Just so you know,I got annoyed and tired already with all the dramas that is going on,but I wont let it fall on me. Seriously,its annoying you know.
Life is pretty unfair sometimes. Life is short. I miss Shine Shawne. I miss talking to him.I miss his handsome look,his witty hilarious jokes.He's the one who would always comfort people. He motivates people.He chilled people down. He always care about people. He's the one you could rely on. The person you could cry your heart out. Who would lend his shoulder to you. Who would be the first and the last person to wish you on your birthday. The one would sing for you on the phone. Who would never fails to make you laugh.The one who would listen to your problem and help you to solve it whenever you would seek for him. He's the person who WOULD talk to you;leave whatever he is doing,whenever he is busy just to listen to you whenever you need him. He's a so called perfect person I've ever met. He always cares about people,but he forgot about himself. Why didnt he stop the car and took a nap for a bit? Why did he continued driving even when he's totally exhausted? The word why kept on playing on my mind. Why?Why? Im not blaming anyone about what had happen. He promised to meet on Christmas Day. He say we would go outings with Blanchie,Brittany,Tan Tan,Elle Joy and Bradley like we did last year(2010) new year eve. I didnt get to say a proper goodbye,I didnt get to say I forgave him for what he had done. I didnt get to laugh at his stupid hilarious jokes. I didnt get to hug him for the last time. Everything was left undone. He said he would buy me some pressie from KL. But why did everyhting went wrong? Why did shits happen? Why didnt he called me the night before shits happen? Why arent you here when I need you most? When I need to talk to you? Do you know how does it feels like losing such perfect good friend of yours? Do you know how devastating it is? Do you know how miserable you would get? I just..miss him anyways.

p/s: Im sorry about whatever I have mentioned earlier.Pardon me with all the harsh word I've used. I know its too public but I had to let it out because its my blog,its where i'll pour out every bittersweet Im going through.Otherwise I'll go pyschotic. Anyways,i know it was an emotional-hatred-sarcastic-devastating post so dont bother to mind or be offended aite :)

Desolation?

Desolation? Im pretty sure certain people has experienced this. Perhaps not? There were times where I felt so desolate and ended up crying myself to sleep like shit and waking up with a swollen eyes the next day. Sometimes I just felt like I have no one else to talk with; neither my family nor close friends so eventually I'll bursts into tears again while listening to a fullblast sentimental songs in my earphone;though its not good for my eardrum. They are people who also thought people like me will never have to face desolation or whatever shit and problems in life. In fact,all they thought were perfection that attached in oneself. I constantly think I am living sunch fantasy paradise land;having such happy,understanding,loving,helpful,hilarious family,relative,friends,having a nive comfy home to live in,clothes,delicious food,afford to buy pricey stuff and all,things that I owned,happiness and everything that I'm happy with,but when reality hits-BANG! Although I have all the things that I needed and wanting to have,but there is something that I just cant have .Its definitelynot a boyfriend.Of course I wouldnt say it in public right? Anyways, I am greatful and blessed with everyhting I have now. Life is too short but,I will never let this 'matter' bother me. No matter how they took me for granted(sometimes),I wont let this jeopardise my life and my future! I have so much more to prove in the future though. I know there are people who hates,dislike and annoyed by me,but I dont  give a damn. Because no one is perfect. Everyone has a feeling  of hatred,enviness,jealousy,you name it. I admit,I do have people that I dont click with but why would I messed things up? i would rather shut my mouth up and say nothing rather than having a row with them. Its totally unworthy! Besides,I dont buy the idea of which none of my surrounding people or acquitances never dislike or annoye by me or probably hates me, perhaps, because everyone hast the freedom to have whatever feelings towards someone. NO matter what,I still have my family or friends to support me .
Hypocrite? All lot of people thought 'hypocrite' are meant for certain people. Oh I dont think so. In fact, 'hypocrite is meant for every like creature on earth. I consider myself as a hypocrite as well because no one actually knows yourslef 100% when I myself dont really know who I am just yet. I may,but in the future. I  know,I do gossiped,underestimate,critisized people but now I have come to my senses,I realized something. Which I wont say here either.

Seriously, that was a piece of crap! I know it bore you people who reads this. I dont know why,but I just have to spill things out somewhere so I chose my blog since this is my blog and I am free to say whatever shit I want. otherwise,i'll go pyschotic someday.